Wedding Blues
What do you guys think about turning down a relative's request to be in his or her wedding? Can you politely refuse...or does etiquette require you to agree?
What if this is his or her second wedding and you were in the first wedding?
What if you know the relative has bad mouthed your boyfriend behind your back...repeatedly?
What do you think? Thanks!
:)
8 comments:
How close of a relative is it? If it were a sister or maybe a parent, I'd say do it anyway. Any relation further than that (cousins, etc.), I wouldn't do it unless you are really close to that person.
You can refuse, as long as it's presented in a "I so want to be able to give your wedding the time it deserves and I'm so afraid that with the ____ and the ____ and the ____ I won't be able to do that. But I'd love to help any other way I can..." Obviously people see through that. But the ettiquette gods are appeased and your relatives are not allowed to bad mouth you for it. Also you have to show up for at least one shower and send a really nice gift for the actual wedding (which you also attend, and suffer in a bad seat at the reception).
I think you can refuse, but it might be awkward depending on who the relative is.
I agree with the previous commentator....phrase it as more of a you not having time to give the wedding the attention it deserves rather then the personal stuff that makes you not want to be in their wedding.
Good luck!
I disagree, I think you are stuck. I tried the "I would love to, but law school..." The response I got was "Oh...I totally understand how busy you are. We'll work around it." She hasn't worked around it. I am still stuck in the wedding and don't feel like I can be impolite & complain.(mine was a step-sister that I barely speak to unless it is a holiday & she has 12 other bridesmaids) Good luck trying and maybe take a firmer stance than I did.
Being in weddings is really time consuming and really expenses. You can politely decline and say you don't have the time or money for it. I told both brides I didn't have the money and they both said they'd pay for my dress...They never did, or my flight, or hotel, or rent a car...etc etc. BUT I wanted to be in their weddings so I sucked it up. Just be firm and polite and it should be fine. I do agree Dizzy though, you definitely have to go to the actual wedding/shower.
Well, it appears as though you already have plenty of advice however I've already committed to leaving you a comment, so here's my two cents on the subject: Considering you're family you almost have to oblige and be a part. If you turn down the "gracious invitation" you'll likely have a lifetime of being "that person who didn't want to have anything to do with her special, special day." A friend of mine who I didn't particularly like at all asked me to be his best man, how can you say no to something like that? It's a huge deal for someone to ask you to be a part of their wedding. I said yes, and ended up leaving early, but I was there and I was the first one with alcohol in my hand!!! So, say yes, and hit the bar quickly!!!
I just wanted to add that I wrote that comment last night after taking some serious cold medicine, please excuse the grammatical errors and typos ;).
Maybe I grew up with poor etiquette lessons, but I would never assume that I was obligated to be in a wedding just because someone asked. First, it's expensive (dress/tux, hotel, travel, gift, etc). Second, sometimes life intervenes (for you - exams, work, etc). Third, it depends on the relationship. I was asked to be in a cousin's wedding. I declined. I hate this person and she hates me. She asked (I know this because my mother is her mother's sister and they hashed it out) because she wanted to force me to buy her a present. When my mother told me this, I told her that I didn't believe, that my mother was being ridiculous. But cuz's mother called me shortly after I declined (and cuz threw a complete hissy fit and it seemed, called her mother) and said that her daughter, that she loved dearly, was being a jackass.
So in the end, it's not the end of the world if you aren't in a wedding. Not even to the other person.
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